A short Mary Sue Mockery, Fun awaits inside!
by Elnomin
Summary: Juliet ends up in Middle Earth searching for her Romeo, doe sshe find him? does it all work out? does juliets hair survive?   no, but tis fun anyway.


Ok guys, here's a little short story, out of my usual style, as I thought it had been a while since I had wrote anything, owing to work and more work and university.

This idea just randomly came to me while I was dreaming about my ideal husband, name of Glorfindel: P (I Wish), but has nothing to do with him.

It's short, hopefully funny in a ridiculous sort of way and a quick 5 minutes of LOTR-ness!

I own nothing in Tolkien Land except the dear old Mary-sue, if I did own the real characters; Glory would be mine

Juliet and her Romeo, Middle Earth style.

Juliet Amy Buttercup was just like any other 21st century girl, she loved her hair, hated her "fat" size 8 body and spent hours at high school doodling her name along with Justin Biebers inside pink hearts, and Josh the quarterback, and the elves of those "middle earth" movies the weird Goth girl made her watch.

So, all in all Juliet Amy Buttercup was perfect, white teeth, designer clothes and swinging blonde hair, currently being twisted as she tried really hard to solve a problem on this stupid math test.

If only Mr Heff were still here she sighed as the new math tutor, a 50 something paunchy guy with halitosis went past, Brett Heff would have given her the answers, he was such a dear, always talking with her and saying that pretty girls like her shouldn't worry about things like maths.

"Darn I'll try and wheedle the answer outta Dunkin' Donuts anyway" she huffed to herself.  
>Um, hey Mr Winthrop, could you explain number 4 again please?<br>Heythrop shuffled over and gave a glare; Juliet fussed her hair and stretched her back hoping her rising chest might provoke an answer out of this has-been.

Standing up Heythrop glared at her, "I'm sorry Miss Buttercup, but this is high school, you're expected to work out the answers for yourself, it's either this or kindergarten."

Douche bag, thought Juliet, it's not like I was asking for the whole test, God I wish I could get out of this dump and marry a rich handsome guy, I so don't need algebra for that.

POOOOOOFFFFF!  
>There was a blinding light and the next instant as Juliet opened her eyes she found herself laying on her side on what appeared to be grass.<p>

"Huh, how did I get here? OMG! Omg there must have been an attack on the school omg I hope my hair is fine"  
>Juliet got to her feet grumbling and combing through her long luscious blonde waves to find the non-existent damage, as she looked around she realised that the school was nowhere in sight, she was in a wooded area by a dirt road, it certainly didn't look like California anymore.<p>

"Hmm where am I? I hope it's not far home cos my hair needs redoing and I don't have my makeup with me except my emergency lip-gloss, mascara and nail polish.  
>Walking along the grassy patch under the trees Juliet spots a broken sign, she clears the debris off it with a tissue; the sign reads Bree, 2miles.<p>

"I know that name, why do I know that name" Juliet mused out loud, oh yeah it's some little dirty village or something in that film about the elves, oh how I wish I was really back there, then my darling Prince Legolas could rescue me, fall in love with me and we would be married."

Just then two riders and some spare horses appear on the road, they see Juliet and stop.  
>Juliet looks up and finally realises she is in Middle earth as the face looking down at her is beautiful, and the bearer has delicate pointed ears.<p>

"Oh, my dear elf how happy I am that you have rescued me! I am trapped and need new clothes and my hair and..."

"the Elf puts his hand out to stop this strange mortal, he doesn't understand a word, he turns to his companion and speaks in what appears to be a strange singsong voice to him.

"Elbarand, who is this strange item? Her dress is not of this time and she speaks in strange fashion, yet I feel a sense of foreboding that she is a bringer of evil", "I don't know sire, but I fear we should leave and leave now, lest we be caught in am enchantment, the war advances and Sauron sends many such sorcerers to snare the people".

They make to ride, but during their speech Juliet and been doing some thinking, something didn't add up, if she were to be rescued, why wasn't it dear Legolas? There was a war or some silly thing going on but she thought he would be here for her after she made it through time to see him, oh, but wasn't this Sauron guy sending a witch-king or something to kill the elves? Oh my god thought Juliet I need to defend my love from this creature.

She Turns to the elves "Please, take me with you, let me ride bring me to my Legolas so That I may save him from the Witch-King".

Not understanding anything but "Witch-King" the elvish horses start in fright and gallop off leaving Juliet in dust and some manure, which all falls off leaving her beautiful. One horse has come loose and remained.  
>Being perfect in every way Juliet knows she can ride and decides to set out to save Legolas from his fate.<p>

Don't mess with a Woman Scorned.

After riding for many days through strange lands with only breaks for hair washing and sleep Juliet Amy Buttercup has made it to the outer wall of the Pelennor just after the Rohirrim have charged the Orcs.

Stepping lightly off the horse and edging her way through the piles of orc carcasses and blood Juliet holds her impractical flowing skirts away from the blood, while looking for this witch.

"I seem to remember him like killing a king or something then some dude kills his dragon, if I can kill him then when he lands on the ground I'll save Legolas" she murmurs.

A Hundred yards away Eowyn hacks off the beasts head and ducks blows raining down on her from the witch king, as he's about to pulverise her Merry stabs his leg; Eowyn struggles to her feet;  
>she pulls off her helmet- "I am no m..."<p>

"AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIEEEE Witch king your time is up!" Juliet screams as she streaks past Eowyn, knocking her unconscious as her head strikes a horse, "Take this", she very skilfully throws a silver dagger through into the witch kings face, "ow" and he dies.

A few months later after the war, Juliet has been living in luxury in royal chambers in minas tirith, with a serving girl plaiting her hair with flowers every day, everyone is being really nice to her and smiling and bowing, but they not sure who she is.

After the wedding feast of Arwen and Aragorn Eowyn, who's been feeling spurned since the battle tries to catch the eye of Faramir but he's having none of it, as he stares drooling at Juliet in a skimpy red gown being danced with all the eligible bachelors, sadly though she has not seen Legolas yet.

Eowyn has had enough of this and marches over to Juliet and slaps her, as Juliet lies in a faint on the floor while keeping an eye out for Legolas; Aragorn, Gandalf and Eomer come over to try and restrain Eowyn but she is having none of it  
>"You brazen whore, you man stealer, you stole my man and killed the witch king it should have been me!" Eowyn tries to grab Juliet but Eomer grabs her and holds her back as Eowyn continues to shout at her.<p>

"Anyway who are you? You turn up ruin my life and charm every man in the place, where do you come from what are you doing here you airhead?"

Affronted no one has helped her up yet Juliet makes a big show of getting up onto a "sprained" ankle, "I am here for my true love, it is for he I killed the witch King so our love will be whole, oh where are you my Legolas?" 

Tharanduil and other elves turn to the golden prince with questioning looks as he chokes on his wine  
>"What! I can assure I do not know or want to know this mortal, However it looks as if Faramir is at least grateful for her heroic work".<p>

"WHAT! Faramir is my love and not hers she can't have him!" screams a distraught Eowyn.

As it looks as if fights are going to break out between the men and women as all the men plead for Juliet's hand she stands and forgets which leg is supposed to be sprained, mouth agape at Legolas' disdain for her, Gandalf, speedily fetched by Aragorn bursts into the Hall and commands silence.

"It has come to my attention that our- _guest_ Juliet is causing some disdain amongst the men of the land and demands the Prince Legolas as hers.

Pray, relax, this is not true, this is an affliction long ago recorded by Gondorian Soothsayers and recorded here in this tome as thus:

"_**Ware the reader of this, the moste horrible incarnation known to all men, The Maryre Soo.**_

_**Believed to be a powerful enchantress she appears to all viewers as a beautiful flawless goddess with unlimited talents and spells, we believe this creature to appear from a place called America in Earth where such beings are drawn from myth and high school cheerleading teams.**_

_**Appears via blinding light onto roadsides through a portal from "America".**_

_**Peril awaits the man chosen as the Soo's true love.**_

Everyone turns to Juliet and backs away, sighing Juliet says "Oh, like you didn't know, how else I could always look this good?" Unbeknown Eowyn sneaks up on her, grabs Juliet's collar and flings her out of a window, "I really hope you find a portal back... not" cackles a near mad Eowyn.

Breathing a sigh of relief that his new evil has gone Aragorn is extremely grateful to Eowyn and asks her to name a reward.

"Please you sire If Faramir, wouldst be my husband..."

Faramir sighs to himself and wishes he could fall through a portal.

The end


End file.
